Having moved the limo into Bath, workshop space is now at a premium, subsequently we have taken to converting deserted car parks into guerrilla-garages by night. Tonight we chose the Oldfield park primary school car park to set up shop. To aid in our visibility on the road and to improve handling and performance we have decided to fit the car with electric-blue neon’s along its full length. A large number of holes drilled into the chassis and a bag of cable ties later we had a single strip of “neons” attached.
Later we moved to a council construction site to fit the second strip, despite several no parking signs and a large amount of chain-link fencing the authority of the limo and the rover marque seems to dissuade people from approaching us and requesting we cease our occupation. This authority has become somewhat of a recurring theme, initially one of the major objections to buying the limousine had been that it would be “a nightmare to park” this seems to be almost the opposite of what we have experienced. Despite parking anywhere we have pleased for the past several weeks we haven’t been questioned, fined or prompted to move once. This includes extended periods parked up in taxi ranks, bus stations, and outside unesco world heritage sites as well as inconspicuously parking across several spaces reserved exclusively for university of bath security and traffic enforcement personnel. We can only assume that people see the limo and either assume that some high profile, rover loving, gangster or perhaps a funeral procession is close by, or are simply intimidated by the sheer power of the rover marque and styling of the car. Either way, we have been unmolested by parking tickets despite our utter disregard for parking etiquette.
Any self respecting limousine owner has a set of diplomatic flags. After a quick visit to http://www.flagpoles.se/ (the leading online diplomatic flag seller) and the realisiation that a simple setup could cost in excess of £500 and would only be rated up to 75mph the decision was made to make our own bespoke flag holders. After some quick napkin calculations and a visit to the University of Bath machine shop we were proud owners of some of the highest strength flag holders ever seen on a road legal limo. Conservative calculations estimate a speed of 175mph could be achieved before permanent damage would occur to the poles.
Upon fitting a pair of dignitary flags our immunity seems to have extended to all rules of the road, as seen in the following picture. If you are familiar with bath you will know that this is the main entrance to the historic roman baths in the centre of the town, normally just walking here is stressful enough with the number of tourists, but the limo finds passage with ease, the flags easily carving a route through the crowds and past no-entry signs. When the masses become too much one passenger can simply step out and walk in front of the car and beckon people authoritatively to step aside. Given our success in Bath I feel we will be attempting to approach wider known landmarks on the continent as we pass by, we just hope our union jacks will carry as much weight on the other side of the channel.
However our flippant attitude to the highway code may have been misguided. Somehow we inadvertently entered into a CCTV covered temporary bus lane 4 times in 2 days, as we learned to our disappointment the next week when we received letters from the council. The bus lane is pretty poorly signposted and the lane isn’t painted as it is only operational between 10-6, but I still think we should be exempt as we can carry more than 8 passengers, making us technically a bus. You win this time Bath & North East Somerset Council.